Chic Talk

Artist 1:


I really like mannequins. What do you think? Mannequins as inspiration. Great big mannequins, with extremely pale skin, sickly looking, hair falling out, and great bags under their eyes.


Artist 2:


Hmmmn... are you sure about that? Mannequins, eh? Hmmnn... I'm not completely sure if it's... stylish enough as an inspiration. Too old, don't you think?

Mannequins are all over the place now, with every corner of the Tate Modern filled with 'em. Sure, you can bludgeon them and poor cranberry juice with crow feathers, but still, it's not enough to use something which has already been extensively used.

Do you have any other ideas?


Artist 1:

Oh god, I never realised mannequins had turned into some hippie brigade. Jesus - wouldn't want people to think I was dippin' myself into the same themes as Ramien Ghirst.

Well, I did have something else in mind - how about water bottles?


Artist 2:

Water bottles, eh? Well, I dunno. A bit of a flimsy material, don't you think?


Artist 1:

Oh no, no, no, no. When I say water bottles, don't think of those normal ones, which every layman in the country possesses. Heavens no - those cheap, kitschy looking bits of polyethylene? Jesus Christ, I'd rather be found dead on the streets than use such a tasteless material.

No, no - I was referring to those nice water bottles. You know, the thick ones, the ones made out of nice shades of acrylic. You get them in all sorts of gorgeous colours, to comfortably store water in your fridge. The ones with the fancy decorated caps. You get them in Trendie Homes, in wonderful shades of aquamarine and royal purple.


Artist 2:

Oh yes, those types - yes, yes, well then, I am not worried. For a second I thought you were reffering to the cheap ones. Chirst, those cheap ones - they have been used all over, by all them creepy environmental types, they stick water bottles everywhere.

That gangly looking girl whose on the television all the time - the one who looks like she doesn't wash -


Artist 1:

Missie Coulhart?


Artist 2:

That's her idiotic name, is it? Yes her -

She just sticks those cheap water bottles all over the place. Inside the mouths of dead turtles; on top of post boxes of middle-class people's homes; lines them on streets around town. To think that she did not even get bored with herself!


Artist 1:

She also had some art show, in this hole in some corner of London. It was in the papers - she just glued water bottles inside frozen towels, and poured battery acid all over. That was it! That absolutely pathetic technique was used to make over five sculptures - just frozen towels with water bottles, molded together in some ghastly form.

I mean sure, fans of Forenco Maccenelli's will say that such extreme mixed media is exactly what is needed to make sculptures really speak to the audience. But really, battery acid? Towels? How ridiculously cheap looking. At least when Maccenelli used a combination of wood and decaying animal flesh in the twenties, it was something innovative for the audience. Since then, a slew of young "artistic" bastards think that they can get away with producing shit and displaying it on a pedestal.


Artist 2:

Well then, you must be glad to be rid of that ridiculous parade of lunatics. I'm telling you - with those acrylic bottles you will be well off. You do not want to be connected to all these hippies in anyway.

The difference between polyethylene and polycarbonate makes all the difference in the world. None of that cheap bastardly "art". Just pure, beautiful, good quality plastic.