Elevator Talk in Goldman Sachs

I don't know if you've watched the movie American Psycho, but its about a Wall Street yuppie who becomes so mentally unstable that he becomes a serial killer. Awesome movie, if you ask me, and it has some nice commentary on the selfish and arrogant Wall Street culture. Like this wonderful sequence, or this.

I never gave much thought to if people on Wall Street really are that mean and creepy. But then I came across this Twitter account: @GSElevator, which posts interesting things heard in elevators of Goldman Sachs.

Reading through all the tweets, everyone at Goldman Sachs sounds like a complete wanker. I'm not sure if this account is serious or a joke. But if it is serious, then it confirms my fear that most bankers are psychopaths.

Anyways, read through some prime meat-cuts that I sifted through for you. Some are genuinely funny, some make me want to kick someone in the balls.

#1: Why aren't European markets closed? Thought they'd jump at
the chance to honor a philandering communist with a day off.
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#1: The PWM chicks know how to dress. #2 (nods): Pretty good
wife material. Hot but not slutty-looking. Smart but not too smart.
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#1: Chivalry is letting the chick still in your bed sleep in, then giving
the doorman $100 to go kick her out in an hour.
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#1: Holy shit, Da Knicks! #2: No kidding. Haven't been this excited
about a bunch of black guys since Boyz II Men played my Bar Mitzvah.
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#1: Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I
told her I'd wonder where the rest of my money went.
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#1: US college kids shouldnt complain. China churns outs 3MM
engineers every year, many of whom go back to their parents DVD
stall.
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Skirt #1: Whenever I get stressed, I go shoe shopping. [exits]. Suit
#1 (to Suit #2): Obviously not for running shoes.
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#1: if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody
gives a shit what your name is.
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#1: Banks paid back all the bailout money with interest. Remind
me again when the unions paid back the auto bailout?
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[classic] #1: Riding the subway reminds me why I am pro-choice.
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#1: Europe is starting to make African leaders look competent.
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#1: The British have had multi-family homes for decades. #2: The
British have been embracing mediocrity since 1945.
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#1: The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb
they really are is the fabric holding our society together.
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#1: Romney's the type of consultant asshole who uses chopsticks
at the table even when the Chinese people are using forks.
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MD#1: Markets go up... Markets go down... We always make
money.
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ED#1 (to 1st year analysts): If I ever hear about something I say
mentioned on Twitter, I'll fucking kill you.
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#1: Nothing says 'I was a filthy whore last year' like 'I'm giving up
hard alcohol in 2012.' #2: My girlfriend gave up hard alcohol.
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#1: Whenever I see a black guy with my last name, I can't help but
wonder if my family used to own his.
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#1: 2012 is going to make 2011 feel like 2007.
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#1: She's only about 3 weeks of anorexia away from looking hot.
#2: Maybe 4.
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A#1: Think about how much higher unemployment stats would be
if so many black guys didn't call themselves 'entrepreneurs.'
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#1: Money might not buy happiness, but I'll take my fucking
chances.
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#1: Groupon… Food stamps for the middle class.
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#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson. Santa
loves rich kids more.
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#1: By now, protesters just look like pigeons to me.
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#1: I love watching Asian guys smell and swirl their wine
obnoxiously. And then their faces get all blotchy. Pussies.
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#1: 1 in 7 Americans has at least 10 credit cards. #2: Fucking
morons.
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#1: Dude, she's the piñata of Christmas parties. Always gets
smashed, and anyone can hit it.
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#1: My only inter-racial experience was with a black sock. Once.
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#1: I always take chicks to sushi on a first date. Sake is like a legal
ruffie.
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#1: If you want a friend, get a dog. If you want a friend with
benefits, find some chick who's in PR.
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#1: My garbage disposal eats better than 98% of the world.
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#1: Swinging by Tiffany's to buy a gift. #2 (looks cynically): Why
don't you get her something nice?
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#1: If it weren't for Asians, Americans wouldn't look so fat. #2:
Dude, New Yorkers make Americans look fat.
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#1: Magazines dedicate entire issues to 'Women in Business.' #2:
How much can you write about secretaries? #2 (to Skirt#1):
Kidding.
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#1: I always thought he was a closeted homosexual. #2: It's
possible that he's just a closeted European.
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#1: In times like these, I wish I was a black, pregnant woman.
#YouCantFireMe
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#1: This market is tough to read. #2: It's like seeing a normal-
looking guy with some fat chick. Just makes no fucking sense.
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#1: It says a lot about the 99% when my doorman is in the 1%. #2:
Along with the bathroom attendant at '21' Club.
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